I have been doing quite a bit of reflection these last few months. After deciding to dedicate 2018 to working on myself, I have sort of concocted a formula for what works for me. I usually start my day meditating or journaling. When meditating and journaling, I usually like to come up with some sort of intention, affirmation, or focus. Today, I came across this……”Be A Fountain, Not A Drain”.
This quote has been resonating with me all day today. I have given it quite a bit of thought. I actually went back and forth with how I felt about it….Am I a fountain or a drain? The answer….I am both.
In my every day life, I am a teacher. I teach first graders with learning differences. I do enjoy my job however, it can be very labor intensive, and mentally exhausting. One of the first things people say to me when they hear what I do, is “you must have so much patience”. The truth is, I do. I try my very best to be patient with my students, to ensure that their day is as fulfilling as possible, and to end each day hoping they loved school. Most days I am successful. But, it comes at a cost.
I find that because of the intensity of my job, I am almost “tapped out” of patience at the end of the day. I am not able to be as patient as I would like to be for the family and friends that I have in my life. I can be negative and sometimes even judgmental; which I really am working on. I am not usually rude. When I get like this, I am aware that it is happening. I just usually disengage, and sort of self preserve “hiding”. Some might see it as being introverted. I see it as necessary decompressing time. I know at times I can be draining on those that love me who just “don’t get it”.
So, these last months I have “put the work in”. I have tried to be positive. I have made healthy changes and stuck with them. I have tried to find more balance in my life, seeking out positive people in my life, finding support when necessary, and indulging in hobbies that I enjoy. I have taken the time for self care and feel no guilt for it. I am more vulnerable than I have been in a very long time. But, I also feel more authentic than I have in years. I know I have a lot to offer others. I just need to continue on my journey and try to keep building on my strengths, lifting myself, thinking positively, loving myself, and believing that I AM The Fountain!